What She Wants
by sherripolos
Summary: Lena is attacked whilst she is on a night out with her friends from work. However, when she wakes up in the hospital Stef is not there, her unfaithful ex is... The pair talk and soon Lena realises there is something she should be telling Stef...
1. Chapter 1

What She Wants

 **One shot: Lena is attacked and wakes up, however, Stef is not there, her unfaithful ex is.**

 **Hi guys! So I love Necar Zadegan (the actress who plays Gretchen, especially when she's in Bravo's 'Girlfriends Guide to Divorce') and I kind of wanted to portray Gretchen in a kinder light than how she is usually portrayed in fanfiction; after all - Lena obviously saw something in her to be with her for a year and a half. So here it goes and I hope you like it. - Oh, and in this Lena was never pregnant with Frankie. Hope you enjoy and please review! :)**

Stirring from her dosed-up sleep Lena felt numb to the world. She was fighting her nightmares, desperate to wake up, yet the drugs were keeping her down. All she had wanted to do was have a night out with her colleagues, soon enough she was battling for her life. She rarely had nights out with her friends, when, by chance she did have the time to go out, she chose her wife's company. For they rarely got time alone raising five kids and all. Yet tonight she had chosen to go out with a few of her friends: Ellen, Jan, Rose and Monte on a girls' night out to drink away and potentially hook Rose up with someone for not hers, but their own sanity.

FLASHBACK

 _"_ _Oooh! What about him!" Lena pointed out a man, mid-thirties, stood at the bar alone, obviously looking for some company. Monte's gaze followed her finger into the direction the man was sitting._

 _"_ _OH yes!" She joined. "And if you don't I will!" She winked at Rose playfully as Rose blushed. Rose taught the kindergarten class, and her love life was as well established as her class' maths skills. The other women always pulled up Rose on how they were going to find her a man, she never took it personally, always played along, but she was so fussy it made the whole process that little more hilarious yet impossible._

 _"_ _Yes, okay if you all want to be godmothers to babies with premature receding hairlines!" She blurted. The small group erupted into laughter before buying the next round of drinks._

 _As the night went on Stef checked in with Lena before notifying her she was gonna go down for the night as she had to be up early tomorrow._

 _Okay my love. I'll just finish this drink then I'll get a cab. I won't disturb you when I get in, sleep well beautiful. I love you Stefanie Marie x_

 _Not even a minute after having sent the text her phone was pinging again._

 _Lena please catch a taxi with someone, you know I hate you in one alone. Please wake me up later, I wanna kiss my woman goodnight ;) I love you too baby x Full name, ooh I should get your drunk more often ;) and I hope you've had a lovely night out with the girls. I love you and stay safe my love x_

 _Smiling and locking her phone Lena gulped the last of her drinks and told the girls she was going._

 _"_ _Can't you just stay for one more round then I'll get a cab with you?" Monte asked, not wanting to leave just yet. "It's just we rarely all get out together, one more drink won't do any harm - unless you're under strict orders." She winked._

 _Sighing, Lena looked around, seeing it was evident none of them would be ready to go, even after the next round._

 _"_ _No, its okay, I'll erm.. I'll go by myself, it's only like ten minutes in a cab I'll be fine." With that Lena made her way around the group saying her goodbyes, promising to text when she got home._

 _Getting out of the bar, the cool Californian evening breeze hit Lena sending shivers down her spine. Walking down the street, she went towards the corner where she knew cabs always waited._

 _"_ _Ooh look at that!" She heard a male voice husk no more than a foot behind her. Her step quickened at her breath caught itself in her throat. "Don't mind if I do."_

 _Lena felt one hand grab her waist and the other grab her mouth, muffling any noise she was struggling to make. Her eyes bugged out in panic, her whole body tensing in fear. She was paralysed, her head was telling her to fight but she couldn't. She didn't feel in control of her body. His hands smelt of alcohol and tobacco, his skin rough, his told tight. Trying to wriggle from his reach only made his grip tighter, hurting her delicate frame, making him more violent._

 _"_ _Oooh we have a squirmer." He snarled, dragging her to the side alley. Lena looked frantically before the street disappeared as he took her further down the alley. There had been no one there. No one. No one on a summers night in California. No one to help her._

 _He pushed her body against the brick wall; the forced winded her, making her dizzy, decreasing her very little strength. Taking his hand away from her mouth and hips, he placed one holding her shoulder to the wall and the other to his zipper of his jeans._

 _"_ _Please no, please don't." She begged. "I have kids. Please. Please just let me go. I'll give you money. Please. Just please." Sobs began to take over._

 _"_ _Stop crying goddammit! You think you didn't ask for this? Walking around in a dress like that! You're a slut!" He growled._

 _Lena tried to stifle her sobs, allowing her to hear voices from the street._

 _"_ _Help! Please, someone! Help!" Her scream ripped out of her._

 _A flash of annoyance and fear of being caught swooned through the man's eyes. Knowing that people heard Lena, and knew she was there his hand went to his pocket, pulling out a large knife and pushing into Lena's soft, mocha skin. She fell to the ground shrieking, screaming out in pain from the pit of her stomach. Bellowing over on the floor she clutched her stomach, her dress becoming more and more blood-stained by the second. Blood seeping out over her hands, her head going dizzy, spiralling. She saw the man run further down the alley as her eyes begun to close shut, regretting the decision to not have another drink. Regretting the decision to go out at all. Regretting the decision of not being with her wife and children._

END OF FLASHBACK

Still not opening her eyes Lena tried to move. Her whole body felt heavy, suffocatingly so; she felt like dead weight, drowning above water. She managed to make a slight movement with her right hand, the movement feeling like an irritating twitch. However, reacting to her movement another pair of hands masked hers; it wasn't those set of hands she was used to though. The hands were unfamiliar, like a strangers. At this, Lena's eyes stuttered open, her vision hazy and weak, as though she were wearing steamed up glasses. Turning her head to the side to see who's hands were holding on to hers, there sat someone whom she hadn't seen in years.

"Gretchen?" She managed, her voice husky and slightly slurred. "W-Where's Stef? Where am I?" She felt her heart beating through her skin, it was as if she could hear each pulse.

"Lena." Gretchen's eyes welled once she realised Lena was responsive and recognised her. "Stef left about a half hour ago to sort out those beautiful children of yours. You're in the city hospital Lens, you were attacked and got a nasty wound in your stomach. We are presuming it was so you couldn't get away quickly. I work here now, I'm the attending physician, I saw your name come through in the ER last night. Seeing you in that state kind of tore me, they said it was a conflict of interest for me to work on your case. I managed to get some time off so I could sit with you as Stef said she needed to sort out the kids, tell them whats happening. I reassured her you wouldn't be alone and have someone here if you woke up."

"Tha-" Lena cleared her throat before trying again. "Thank you."

"Here, have some of this," Gretchen said, getting the white plastic cup of water and bringing it towards her chapped lips. Lena tried but failed to sip as she began coughing.

"Ow!" She cried, the cough agitated her stomach, leaving her with stabbing pains.

"Oh Lena," Gretchen smoothed over the top of Lena's hair that acted as an extra pillow for Lena. "I take it you stopped straightening it?" Gretchen smiled, trying to distract Lena from her pain and the thoughts of her previous night.

Lena smiled weakly. "Too much maintenance." She said in a slightly louder whisper than her previous comments. Gretchen fumbled with Lena's curls before pulling away, reminding herself Lena was no longer hers, and how easily it looked as though she were stepping over the boundaries. "You haven't changed."

"No, I haven't." Gretchen sadly smiled, seeing Lena in this way was pulling at her heart. How could she have done what she had done to her? Lena was such a wonderful, beautiful, caring woman who simply deserved the world. And Gretchen had done everything in her power to mess it up. Inside she was internally kicking herself when she saw Lena's brow furrow. "What is it, Lena?" Her voice soothed. No, she thought, she was not going to think about herself now, and how awfully she screwed Lena over. Lena needed her right now.

"He came out of nowhere Gretchen." She said, her eyebrows raised, tears welling in her glassy eyes. "I was out with the girls when I wanted to go out with Stef. No. I should have gone out with Stef. And he just followed me and grabbed me out of nowhere." Her body shuddered, and Gretchen scooted over to her side placing her arm around Lena's shoulders, Lena put her head against the other woman's side. And there she sobbed, trying to move the rest of her body as little as possible to prevent further pain or damage.

Gretchen held her while she fell apart. She was more present now than she had ever been during the course of their relationship. Smoothing over her hair with her free hand, she tried to comfort Lena whispering soothing comments and just letting her know she was no longer alone. She was safe.

Around a half hour later, Lena was calmed back down and was thankful for Gretchen's company.

"God knows what's taking your woman so long." Gretchen chuckled looking at the watch on her hand, to which Lena smiled.

"Well, with five kids, you can't exactly sort everyone out quickly." At this, they both let out quiet laughs. Gretchen saw Lena's eyes twinkle at the mention of her children, her family.

"So tell me about them." She offered, pulling her legs up and curling up on the small, uncomfortable chair next to Lena's bed.

"Well, there is Brandon, he's 18, he plays the piano and is very musical." She begun, her eyes lightening up, colour soon coming into her face. "There's Callie, she's 17, she loves her art and is a brilliant photographer. Jesus, he's 16, he's on the wrestling team, he's very athletic. Mariana, she is also 16, she and Jesus are twins. She's extremely intelligent, she does hundreds of extra curriculum activities and is the ruler of the house. She has us all under her little finger, I think she's going to make quite the lawyer one day. And there's my sweet boy Jude, he's fourteen, the baby of the Brady Bunch, he loves writing, and those god awful video games."

Gretchen smiled as Lena spoke about her children. Children she knew Lena had so desperately wanted for so long and had now obviously got.

"I take it you didn't carry them all?" Gretchen joked. "Five kids? Ouch!"

Lena inhaled softly. "I didn't carry any of them actually."

"You didn't? But Lena… you wanted to get pregnant so badly!"

"Well, when I met Stef she already had a little Brandon. Nearly a year into our relationship we talked about expanding our family and erm…" Lena's voice cracked slightly. "Well… she did. She brought the twins home. I guess I didn't really fully tell her how I wanted to expand the family and to be honest…" Lena paused looking down, eyes welling before she looked up and continued looking directly into Gretchen's eyes which were sympathetic for the woman. "I know this makes me sound like an awful mother and an awful person… But I really didn't want them." Lena stopped, a tear trickled down her cheek. She could not believe she had just said those words out loud. Thoughts she had tried to compress for so long. She loved the twins now and wouldn't trade them for the world. But at the time, Lena couldn't have been more detached if she tried. But she wanted to please Stef; she didn't want to let her down or disagree with her. Now she had grown as a person, and their relationship had matured she had no problem speaking her mind, but at the time, she was so scared of losing her, as she had lost Gretchen, that she did anything she could to keep her.

"Hey, hey." Gretchen soothed, rubbing her thumb over Lena's hand. "But you love them now Lena, I can see that. It doesn't make you a bad person and far from a bad mother. You're human Lena, it's okay to admit to things we're ashamed of thinking."

"When did you get so wise?" Lena smiled through her tears, making Gretchen laugh.

"Sweets I wouldn't go that far." No. Stop Gretchen, she thought to herself after letting the little name slip out. From that moment on she made a promise to herself to not use any little pet names.

Without barely noticing Gretchen's slip up Lena continued. "I love them now, honestly I wouldn't trade them for the world. I started to be the mama they wanted and needed, and everything just seemed right… Then, anyway, I was going to talk to Stef about having a baby, and then Jude and Callie came along… and so yeah… I guess we just got busy." Lena smiled at Gretchen who could see the pain in her eyes that she was so desperately trying to mask.

"But do you still want a baby?"

"I guess. But it's stupid right? Wanting six kids?" Lena shrugged, with a slight blush blooming over her defined cheeks.

"I don't think its stupid Lena. It's something you want. It's something you've wanted for a very long time. Hell, it was a deal breaker when we were together!" Gretchen smiled. She couldn't understand how or why Lena pushed something which was so important to herself under the rug. "I mean Lens, imagine when you get to fifty and can no longer have kids and wish you would've, how do you think you'd feel knowing that you hadn't even tried? I know you. You're such a passionate person, and I honestly believe it would eat you up alive."

"I know, I know." Lena sighed, shrugging in defeat, she knew how badly she still wanted a baby, someone who she was biologically related to. "But five is enough."

"Is there something more to it all?" Gretchen pushed, aware she may have been taking advantage of Lena's vulnerable state. She just wanted to figure out what was going on in Lena's beautiful mind; she wanted to make sure she was happy, it was the least she could do.

"It's just-" Lena stopped herself, looking away from Gretchen to the other side of the room. Smiling in anger at how stupid she was to even think of such a thought.

"It's just what Lena?" Getting Lena to turn back around to her. Lena could see how genuine Gretchen was being to her, how sincere. Lena trusted her right now, more than she had ever trusted the woman in the time she had known her.

"I know it's such a selfish thing to think… But, everyone in our house is related some way by blood. Brandon is Stef's son, I'm just good old good time step-mom. Mariana and Jesus are twins, and Callie and Jude are half siblings. I guess I just want someone to be linked to me. To share some of my heritage. Someone who won't forget about me, who will love me unconditionally."

"Lena, you of all people should know that that is not a selfish thing to think. And I can assure you, the way your wife's phone was being bombarded with texts wondering how their wonderful mama was, those children, or should I say, teenagers, love you. They love you and they care for you." It pained Gretchen to speak of things so highly that she could no longer give to Lena. But she had to make the woman see how valued she was, how loved she was. How without her, things would never run the way they did.

"Callie doesn't even call me mama. Brandon too, he calls me Lena most of the time, even though I practically raised him when Mike went awol and Stef was always at work when we got back home from school."

"Well from what Stef was telling me, that girls been through a lot Lena. I'd say give it some time and keep doing what you're doing. And as for Brandon, relish in the moments he does call you mama. And, if it does bother you so badly, talk to Stef, I'm sure she'd speak to him or offer you some decent points to put your mind at ease."

"God," Lena chuckled. "How long were you two talking for?"

Gretchen laughed. "You have no idea." She stopped, looking into her eyes. "You know I've been working in this profession for a long time now. If I need people to calm down or if people need a distraction, most of the time if you bring up family it works. It's worked for both of you two. I can tell your family means so much to you both. That you've both worked so hard for what you have. And not only have you worked hard but you love hard. The relationship you have with Stef, that is not just an everyday thing, you two are so in love, and after all these years I don't know how you do it. The love and the family you have is what matters Lena."

"It means a lot Gretchen, thank you. And honestly speaking, you should write a book. God, you have a way with words." The two of them quietly laughed. It had been so long since they had sat and talked in a civilised manner. Lena didn't realise how much she missed Gretchen's company. Although their relationship had ended toxically, they still had many happy memories together. She wished she could be friends with her now, they had so much more to learn about each other's lives and from Lena had learnt, maybe Gretchen and Stef could become friends too.

"But honestly Lena," Gretchen's voice hit a serious note as they both looked into each other's eyes. "I think you should talk to Stef about this whole baby thing, before it's too late…"

"I will." She whispered, squeezing Gretchen's hand which was still rubbing hers.

Then, a small knock at the door filled the room, Stef's blonde hair peeping round the door she saw she was awake. She saw her love. Lena's eyes filled with tears, Stef's too as she walked over to her and to hold her. Holding her like she was never going to let go.

 **On second thoughts I'm gonna turn this into a two parter. The second is gonna have a flashback of Stef being notified of Lena's attack and the baby talk. - please let me know what you think & please review - Hope you enjoyed and thank you for reading!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys! So, THANK YOU SO MUCH for the lovely reviews! I have no idea why they're not showing on here, but I'm getting them all through email, and I'm so overwhelmed - thank you! Sorry it has been a few days as I know some of y'all have been wanting the part 2! I'm on holiday in Spain at the moment (Sherri Saum is currently in the same country as me and that makes me emotional lol)! So here is the update and I hope you enjoy! Also, I made a new cover which makes it look more story-like - let me know what you think!**

 **All mistakes are mine and English is UK version. Happy reading!**

FLASHBACK

 _"_ _Guys! I'm home!" Stef shouted to her kids, walking through the door, laying her keys on the side. "And tea is already ready!"_

 _From around the corner in the living area Stef heard her youngest's voice, "Mum how did you even manage tea when you just walked through the -" Before seeing what she had in her hands, "Pizza!" He cried. From this four teenagers bolted down the stairs to greet her._

 _"_ _You know," she began, greeting them all with kisses on cheeks. "Pizza is the way to your mama's heart too." They all laughed, hurried into the kitchen, and all helped in clearing the table and making room for their treat of a dinner._

 _"_ _Mama barely lets us have pizza anymore," Jesus whined. "It's so annoying."_

 _"_ _Okay," Stef joked, opening the pizza boxes and hearing a symphony of teenagers inhaling the luxurious, calorific scent. "Sorry Mama cares so much about you being healthy. I'll tell her to stop." Winking over to Jesus, she rubbed his arm before making her way to the head of the table and getting herself a cheesy slice._

 _"_ _To healthy eating!" She toasted with her pizza._

 _"_ _To healthy eating!" They joined._

 _"_ _I know she like never goes out," Mariana said, fiddling the crusts she had left of her pizza. "But I really miss Mama."_

 _Stef gave her daughter a sympathetic smile. She knew Mariana and Lena had such a strong bond, they both held each other in special places in their hearts. Mariana was still very much dependant on her time with her mama and "Mama hugs". The talk of her soon going off to college made Lena pale and tugged at her heart strings; although Lena was the proudest Mama in the world of all her children, she was going to break her heart when they all would begin to move out to college and their futures. Whenever Mariana was having boy problems, girl issues, homework trouble, or just needed someone to confide in, Lena was her immediate go-to. No matter how much reassurance and affection Stef gave her, even in the first few months of having them, if Mariana had done so much as scraped her knee she ran to Lena's side._

 _A series of "Me too"s travelled around the table, followed from one by Stef herself._

 _Looking around the table, seeing her children now laughing, chatting enthusiastically about Anchor Beach gossip, as well as each others love lives, Stef couldn't feel more at ease with herself, with her life. Or, she could if Lena were here. However, it was important they both had their nights out with their friends, and didn't abandon them due to their busy home-life; Stef had known how much Lena needed a night out and when she mentioned the girls were having a get together Stef insisted that she must go._

 _Now she was craving Lena. Craving her like a drug. Craving her touch, her warmth, her presence. Craving her arm to wrap around her side, her body next to hers, her head on Stef's shoulder. Craving her intimately, as if they had never been intimate before. Craving her laughter, her voice, her eyebrows raising whilst asking a question, her 'look'. Craving her scent, her smell of cocoa buttered skin, the softness, the delicateness. Craving her._

 _Stef's thoughts were interrupted by the sound of their landline shrieking, making them all jump and immediately stopping the conversation._

 _"_ _The hell was that?" Jesus blurted._

 _"_ _Jesus!" Stef warned. "Language young man! And that, my son, was commonly known in the early noughties as a 'landline'." Putting emphasis on the word, in a strong, awful British accent._

 _"_ _You're so bad at accents." Callie laughed._

 _"_ _Shut up!" Stef whined playfully, nudging Callie slightly before walking over to the landline._

 _All of the children's voices came out in hushed voices as she answered._

 _"_ _Hello, Officer Stefanie Adams Foster?" Stef asked down the phone._

 _"_ _Officer Adams Foster, your partner is Lena Adams Foster am I correct?" A monotone voice came through the line._

 _Confirming the slightly incorrect statement Stef spoke back, "Yes, she is my wife actually."_

 _A silence fell across the room as all the children were trying to get in on who was calling about their mama._

 _"_ _Oh, sorry Madam." The man's voice came through the phone again, this time with a more human element, almost a sympathetic tone. "This is Kevin from San Diego City Hospital, I regret to inform you that your wife, Lena Adams Foster was attacked this evening. She has a stab wound to the stomach and is in critical condition, she has lost a large amount of blood so doctors have rushed her into surgery."_

 _Stef's heart begun to sink, her throat was closing, her blood rushing from her head, and her vision hazy. She was about to pass out. Lena, her Lena. Her Lena had been attacked. She was in critical condition. She should have been there to protect her. How did this happen? Whilst she had been laughing with their children, joking about Lena's efforts to keep the family healthy, she had been bleeding out. Was she going to make it? How long would she be there for? What would she tell the kids? When will she be able to see her? Were the other women with her? Were they hurt too? If not, why she was alone? No. Stef was not going to play the blame card now._

 _"_ _Mom," Brandon said taking Stef's shoulder. He had never seen her like this. Her skin was grey and her eyes were so many miles away. "Mom! What's happened? Who is it?" Brandon still sensed no movement, he heard voices from the other end of the phone._

 _Glancing over to Callie he ordered, "Go call Mike, tell him to come over ASAP." Callie nodded, running off to grab her cell._

 _"_ _Mom. You need to talk to me." He turned his attention back to Stef who was still in the same position as before._

 _"_ _She - I, Errr - Mama - Lena-" All that was coming out was no good, Brandon pulled a stool over from the table and allowed Stef to sit down, still hearing a voice from the other end. The voice was very quiet as the phone was still glued in Stef's hand to her ear, but Brandon could make out some sort of consolation coming from the other end. "What happened to Mama?" He pushed, not wanting to waste time._

 _"_ _Stabbed." She blurted, "Mama was stabbed." A lone tear fell from her face as Brandon took the phone from her._

 _"_ _Sir, erm where shall we go?" He asked, never being in this situation before. Hearing his response, he replied, "The ICU? Oh, God! Is she okay, Is she going to be okay?"_

 _"_ _That much young man I cannot tell you." Was the unhelpful, yet accurate response the teenager got in return. Brandon thanked and ended the call. He was speechless. His hands, that now held his mothers, were clammy. It must've been a genetic thing, as he could feel hers were the same._

 _"_ _Mom," He began. "Callie's called Dad, he'll be over to watch us. You need to go and see Mama. She needs you, you need her. Call us when you hear anything or she's stable and we will come down. Are you gonna be okay to drive?" Now looking back at Stef her hard-as-a-rock composure was beginning to slightly come back to her. Colour was beginning to reappear in her cheeks and she no longer looked as though she were going to black out. However, she still looked zombie-like nonetheless._

 _"_ _Oh B." She cried, pulling him in to hug him tightly. Hugging him like she was never going to let go. Pulling away and looking around she could see all her children were crying, even Callie, who had not so much as called Lena 'Mama' was allowing the tears to fall freely down her cheeks. "Oh babies, she said signaling them to all come forward and join her and Brandon for a group hug. All five kids and Stef stood in the kitchen hugging, their crying soon quietening and tears slowing. "Right." Stef cleared her throat, wiping her eyes and cheeks with the sleeve of her shirt. "I'm gonna go to the hospital to see Mama. I believe she is going to be all right babies, she's a fighter she is. She's the strongest Mama Tiger there is."_

 _All of them gave soft smiles at Stef's reference; a name Lena normally called her._

 _"_ _But I thought you were Mama Tiger?" Jude questioned, his voice going up at the end. All of them gave small laughs, Stef pulling him closer and placing a kiss on the top of his head._

 _"_ _Oh, my sweet boy."_

 _Kissing them goodbye Stef made her way to the hospital, her hands shaking, whilst internally reminding herself consistently throughout the half hour journey that she needed to concentrate on the road, as she shouldn't really be driving whilst in such a vulnerable, emotional state. However she needed to be by the side of her woman, and she didn't want Brandon or any of the children to see their Mama in a bloodied state. She knew it had troubled considerably seeing her with tubes down her throat, so she knew her best bet was to leave them at home until Lena looked okay enough for them to see._

 _Rushing into the hospital she ran towards the reception, telling the receptionist Lena's names, what she could remember of the traumatic phone call and her relationship to the patient. After stating Lena was her wife, she heard a groan and a grumble, followed by some muttering from the old couple clearly eavesdropping beside her. Usually, Stef would have said something, something to defend her relationship, her love for the love of her life, but now was not the time, nor was she in the right frame of mind._

 _"_ _Oh yes," she said glancing at the screen in front of her. "Ma'am, your wife is in the ICU. Just go to the elevator, on your right. Go up to the fifth floor, out of the elevator, go left and she's in room 204C it's about 20 yards down the corridor."_

 _Stef thanked the woman and ran towards the elevator, pushing the button and tapping her foot in impatience even though she had been stood there for all of two seconds. The doors opened and she followed the receptionist's instructions, her palms sweating and thoughts racing through her head._

 _Finding a nurse on the fifth floor, she led Stef to Lena's room. She had just got out of surgery, they had removed the knife and stopped the internal bleeding. She was now assisted with breathing tubes as well as an IV. Reaching the room Stef let out a breath she didn't realise she was holding and walked through the door the nurse was holding open for her._

 _She paused in the door way. Seeing her love. Her love, her love. Lena looked so fragile, too small for the bed and the tubes. Her hair messily stacked on her head, and in an oversized blue nightgown. Only her chest was moving methodically, her hands still, bare, with small scratches. Her ring still loving sat on her finger, giving life to her current state. Her eyelashes still had her mascara painted on them, however, now it had travelled to below her eyes, and left trails down her cheeks. Lena had been crying, and Stef had not been there to kiss the tears away._

 _The nurse could sense Stef's fear. Her new found fear of the sudden fragility of her wife's life. Stef was not alien to death, she saw it a lot on her job on the beat. But she believed her wonderful woman her wife was unaccustomed to it. It would never happen to her._

 _Placing her hand on her shoulder, Stef learned this action seemed to be a common way of expressing words that were unknown, the nurse turned towards Stef._

 _"_ _Just keep talking to her," she ensured. "Tell her everything she means to you. Just keeping letting her know you are here, she is not alone. I'll give you two a minute." She said before going to leave._

 _"_ _Can I hold her hand?" Stef whispered. As if she was becoming child-like, asking for verification before she did actions that only occurred naturally to her._

 _"_ _Of course lovey," the nurse replied giving her a smile, the wrinkles in her cheeks creasing that little bit further. She must have been near to retirement age, Stef thought. "Just mind the IV."_

 _Leaving them to it, the nurse shut the door behind her and Stef bolted to Lena's side. The side away from the oxygen, the drip, and the heart monitors._

 _"_ _Oh, my sweet, sweet love." She kissed her delicate hand she was holding, never wanting to let go. Trying to see some flicker of recognition or response, but nothing. Lena lay there, accompanied by the noises of the machinery keeping her alive._

 _Stef wept._

FLASHBACK ENDS

"Oh my love," Stef held her, breathing in Lena's hair, trying not to hurt her already-hurting wife. "You're okay, You're going to be okay." Her tone was ambiguous as to whether she was stating it or asking.

Lena just simply let tears spill from her eyes, holding on to Stef for dear life, her hands shaking. She had calmed down when she was with Gretchen, Gretchen had managed to distract her from what had happened to her. She had done the same method of distraction in their relationship over a decade ago. But now, what had happened to Lena and the reality of what she had been through was hitting home, as she was with the person who is her home.

Stef pulled away so she could see Lena's face, whilst Gretchen stood up to allow the two some privacy. Stef placed a soft, yet meaningful kiss on Lena's quivering lips. Turning when she heard the door click, she turned after the woman she wanted to get to know more, someone who she thought would make a great friend. "Gretchen," she called, getting the tall, lean woman to turn around. Her beauty was undeniable, she could see what Lena had seen in the woman all that time ago. But her beauty didn't compare to Lena's in Stef's eyes, and Stef made an internal promise to tell her wife how much she loved her, how beautiful she was, inside and out, and how lucky she was to have found her every day. "Thank you for everything." Gretchen smiled back at the pair, whispering a barely audible "No worries." Turning to go away.

But before she could continue, Stef called after her, "We'll see you around?" She felt Lena squeeze her hand, as though thanking her for getting on so well, as well as allowing and trusting Gretchen to stay with Lena. "I would love that," Gretchen confirmed, giving the two another smile before leaving completely.

"I'm so sorry I wasn't here when you woke my love, I'm so sorry." Stef welled up. "And I'm sorry I wasn't there last night. I'm sorry I didn't pick you up from the bar. I'm sorry I let it all happen. I'm sorry I wasn't there to protect y-"

Stef was cut off pushing a 'sh'ing from her wife. "My love, nothing you could've done would've stopped him. I don't blame you, you were at home with our babies. Our beautiful kids." Lena cooed, now consoling her wife. However, her strong composure didn't last long. "He just came out of nowhere." She choked. "I tried to stop him, he just wouldn't stop. He didn't stop until he heard people. I think he freaked. And then the knife- the knife- it er - it all just came out of nowhere Stef." Both of their hearts broke as they cried together.

For an hour they were talking about the attack. Talking about reporting the attack to the police once Lena was out of the ICU; what they were going to tell the kids; that Lena wanted to talk to someone about it. The list was endless, they knew they still had so much to discuss, and Lena would have a long healing process but, for now, Lena wanted to talk about something else.

"How are the kids babe?" Stef took this as an indication that Lena was finished talking about it all for today.

"They're okay. They're hurting that their Mama is hurting. We have strong little soldiers though sweets. Brandon was unbelievable, sorted everyone out, got Callie to call Mike to watch them before I could even remember my own name." Stef smiled, sat on the side of Lena's bed, stroking her cheeks, seeing them pink at her touch. "Mariana and Callie looked after Jude, I think Jude actually did top and tails in their room. Jesus I think stayed up on watch all night. You know, that kid, I think he's always been your knight in shining armour. He always wanted to protect you at all costs. Remember that time when Brandon was arguing with you about some piano thing he wanted to go to that was thousands of dollars and he'd only been playing for a year? And then Jesus waltzed in and went all ninja-warrior on him, trying to stick up for you and calling him a 'bogey-brain'." Both Stef and Lena chuckled at the memory, Stef was right, he had really been like her security guard, he still was.

"I think that was their first proper name-calling-ninja-warrioring brother fight ever," Lena added.

"Pha! Sure wasn't their last!"

"Stef, I er, I think I er…" Stef sensed Lena's hesitation was leading to a more serious conversation. But Lena stopped talking and looked away from her wife's eyes.

"Love," Stef worried. "What's up?"

Lena lay silently, fighting the tears. "It's nothing." She whispered none-convincingly. Returning her gaze back to her woman.

"Lena, darling, your eyes are glassy, and tears look like they're ready to spill out any second now. I'm worried, please talk to me, my love. Nothing you could say would ever hurt me." She rubbed Lena's hand, smiling reassuringly at her, her eyes glistening with love, with admiration.

"It's stupid…" Lena began. "And we couldn't possibly do it. And I'm selfish for thinking about it. And I'm selfish for bringing it up now out of all times-"

"Woah," Stef stopped her, talking softly. "Lena, baby, please stop blaming yourself when I don't even know what's going on in that beautiful mind. I believe an extremely intelligent woman like you does not have a thought that is classed as 'stupid'. And I also believe that nothing anything the most compassionate person, whom I am honoured to call my wife, could ever think of would be classed as 'selfish'. And as for bringing it up now my love, traumatic situations can sometimes bring good things, as they allow to say things you're actually thinking, or ask for things you want. They do this because you get a different and refreshed perception on the fragility of life and how precious it is. So talk to me baby, I'm here."

Lena loved Stef. She knew what to say and when to say it, most of the time. She knew how to calm Lena down, and help make her the best possible version of herself she could be. It would be useless lying to Stef about this, keeping this wish. No, need, away from her. She held Stef's hand tighter, and took a deep breath before barely managing:

"I want a baby Stef."

 **So thank you so much guys! This initially was gonna be a one-shot, that went to a two-shot, but now I'm thinking should it be a three-shot and have Stef's reaction and them talking about it?! Let me know what you think! I hope you all enjoyed this Part 2 x**


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